After watching this incredible episode, I felt like crawling into a fetal position, and just crying myself to sleep.

How is it possible for a television series to affect me so? Is it the amazing performances from the actors? My emotional attachment to it? What is it, exactly, that causes my heart to feel as if it's been crushed once an episode has concluded?


Here we have a man by the name of Jimmy Novak. He's nothing special; just a normal family man with a perfectly drab job. At least that's what he thinks. As it turns out, Jimmy is special - he's a chosen vessel for the angels of God. What makes him special, I do not yet know. All I know is that it's something in his blood.

Then there's Castiel; an angel of the Lord who's slowly being corrupted by his human charge. With one word, one plea - Dean's able to get Castiel to do just about anything for him. In fact, Dean means so much to Castiel, that Castiel's willing to go against Heaven itself to relay an important message to him. Unfortunately, Cas is pulled out of his human host kicking and screaming; pulled back to Heaven to suffer his punishment for going against his superiors.


I had a hard time getting a read on Dean tonight. He was clearly confused and worried about Castiel, but he also wanted to protect Jimmy; wanted to send him back to his human family where he belonged.

There were a couple of things that I found rather interesting, though:

1. The look Dean gave Jimmy when he hugged his wife. I found it rather odd. Was he jealous?
2. His expression when Jimmy was shot. He looked as if his entire world had come crashing down.
3. The hurt on his face when Castiel said that he 'didn't serve him'. It BROKE me...


Sam. Sam, Sam, Sam... I want to be angry with him, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I know what it's like to live with someone who's THAT addicted to something; I know all too well how they're able to do ANYTHING to get it. He has my sympathies...


I'm not sure what I think about Jimmy. I feel sorry for him, yes, but the brothers tried to warn him; tried to tell him that demons would be after him, and his family if he were to return to them. And yet, he did it anyway. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was a Winchester just from his stubbornness alone. Still, he gave up everything to protect his daughter; to shield her from being a vessel for the angels.


Oh, Cas... What was it exactly that he wanted to tell Dean? Was it something to do with the apocalypse? Chuck's vision? Or was it more personal? YOU'RE KILLING ME HERE, KRIPKEEPER!

Also, the final scene between him and Dean... Oh my god, I literally grabbed my chest. That was so very, very harsh. Just what, exactly, did they do to him in Heaven and why? Was he dangerously close to falling, and his angel brothers were forced to step-in? Did he say what he did to deliberately push Dean away from him? I MUST KNOW. Or else my head's going to explode...


From: [identity profile]

I think Cas doesn't want to push Dean away but he must :( UGH That scene was sooo harsh! All I can say about this episode...DAMN YOU KRIPKE!!

Love your review as always tough bb! :) I look forward to it every week. I just can't believe Dean SAW Sammy drink blood!

From: [identity profile]

Yeah, I think Cas did it to push Dean away from him. Castiel knows that they're getting too close to one-another, and it has to be stopped.

Aw, thanks, bb! ♥

From: [identity profile]

It affects me the same damn way. It hurts!

Was he jealous?
I wasn't thinking jealous. More like he knows Jimmy can't have that because of what happened. Like he wants him and his family together but that can't happen.

DEAN ♥ always will have my heart.
SAM. Is scaring me. I don't know anymore :(

THEY NEED TO BE TOGETHER. It's killing me.

Heaven's prob pissed cause Cas was getting to close. Too emotional.


From: [identity profile]

But isn't also possible that he was jealous over the fact that Jimmy had those things - had something he has always dreamed of?

DEAN ♥ always will have my heart.

Me too. Oh, Dean...

SAM. Is scaring me. I don't know anymore :(

I'm not liking this whole addiction thing. Not at all. Oh, Sam...

Heaven's prob pissed cause Cas was getting to close. Too emotional.

That's what I was thinking. But the real question is: What the frak did they do to him up there to cause him to do a complete 180?

From: [identity profile]

Yes. He definitely could. I didn't even think of it till now. PROMOS MAKE ME A MESS.

I'm not liking this whole addiction thing.
Me neither. I just ugh. Its disturbing. maybe cause I dislike Ruby. a lot.

I DON'T KNOW. We might never ever know. Cause Kripke is evil. Did they threaten Dean?

From: [identity profile]


Me too, bb. Me too.

Me neither. I just ugh. Its disturbing. maybe cause I dislike Ruby. a lot.

I tried to like Ruby. Really, I did. But there's just something about her that makes the hairs on my arm stand-up...

Did they threaten Dean?


OMG, I BET THEY DID. That's the only thing that could POSSIBLY cause Castiel to say what he did to Dean.

ILU. *tackle glomps*

From: [identity profile]

That's the only possible reason I can think of.

ILU. *tackle glomps*
ILU2 *smishes*

From: [identity profile]

I don't think he was though. Dean's not really the jealous type. Like everyone he has some of it but even with Adam, ultimately, he got over the jealousy quickly. He realized his anger should be directed at John and he just wanted Adam to be able to have choices in his life, so I don't think he'd be jealous of Jimmy.

From: [identity profile]

OMG! I totally agree... about EVERYTHING! I was actually crying during some parts of this episode... because of MISHA! not Jensen.... that was weird.

1. The look Dean gave Jimmy when he hugged his wife. I found it rather odd. Was he jealous?
The shipper in me wants to say he was jealous. And part of me really does think he was jealous but on a different level. I think Dean was more guilty. He saw Jimmy with a family, something that Dean has always wanted. And Sam and Dean were forcing Jimmy to leave his family. I think Dean felt more guilty than anything... but that's just me... and part of him I think was jealous of the fact that Jimmy did have a "normal" family at one point... but mostly I think it was guilt.

From: [identity profile]

Misha was indeed amazing. You could tell when he was Castiel just from the way he held himself. It was unreal.

I'd believe it was guilt if it wasn't for that little flicker of jealously I saw in his expression. Like I said, the scene was a bit... odd. It's kind of hard for me to describe.

From: [identity profile]

I did sorta feel like it was misplaced... that kind of... umm... why was that there... but I just attributed it to Dean feeling guilty or something... but I agree... it seemed odd.

From: [identity profile]

yeah that's what I was thinking of... another thought was that they put it in there to balance the scene where Cas watched Dean and Anna kiss... I dunno...

OH! so my friend showed me this.. and I know the scene in the flashback where Cas first possesses Jimmy is supposed to be serious but this just reminds me so much of how Cas looked at Claire.

From: [identity profile]

To further push us to ship Dean/Cas no doubt. The Kripkeeper is sneaky like that...

LOL, OMG! That picture... I can't stop laughing at it. THANK YOU. XDDDD

From: [identity profile]

-dies- oh god... I never thought about that... but oh god... its so perfect!!!!! (thinks the kripke & co. just might have done that on purpose)

From: [identity profile]

The LULZ will be endless, as will the fics. Srsly, the Kripkeeper has NO IDEA what he has done.

Then again, maybe he has. I don't put anything against that magnificent SOB.

From: [identity profile]

Dean 1, 2, and 3 EXACTLY!!!

I, too, wondered why the frick they'd deliberately show Dean watching that moment between Jimmy and his wife. It seemed very much like Castiel watching the Dean/Anna kiss... hard to place beyond slashdom. I mean, I tried to give it a generic "he wants to save Jimmy but can't"... the softer side of Dean we've been getting as Sammy goes further and further dark... but, it still seemed weird in the gen. Slash-goggles made it much more deliberate and well-placed.

Which leads into 2... again, it was Dean they panned to when Jimmy got shot, Dean who look like he lost his world. We don't get Sam's reaction (or do we?! I don't recall it).

And 3, the emphasis on serving Dean. I don't think Dean ever even meant to have it perceived that way. Did he ask for Cas to serve him? Not quite. It's sort of implied, but it's not deliberately asked. So, it seems more like Castiel projecting his own issues. He HAS been serving Dean's will more than anything else. And Heaven wants it to stop. I don't think he quite gets that he made a choice and Dean can't force him to serve him nor has he been outright asking him to.

From: [identity profile]

PRECISELY. When that transpired between Dean and Jimmy, I immediately thought of the Dean/Anna kissing scene. It was odd, and somewhat out of place... Unless it was meant to insinuate that Dean has strong feelings for Castiel.

BINGO. They never once panned the camera over to Sam. It stayed centered on Dean, much like the camera did on Castiel in 4x10. Yet again, odd.

Oh, god, bb... I love you. That's what I was thinking too. Dean has never once made it seem like Castiel was "serving" him, so why would Castiel say such a thing? Was it all a means of pushing Dean away? To make him cold towards him?

From: [identity profile]

As someone who is not a Dean/Castiel shipper (nor slasher in general), the scene did not seem to me to be off or odd in the slightest, so I have to respectfully put in that it was most-likely to be your "shipper goggles".

From: [identity profile]

it's been over an hour and im still reeling from the shock of it all.
This episode is hands down one of THE Best episodes to ever be created of any television series.
I laughed and cried and freaked out and sobbed my heart out..all in a 45minute show.
thats something.

My heart literally shattered for this man again.
the look on his face when he saw Sam drinking the demons blood...i have no words for it. hurt, anger, sadness, disbelief, shock, just general 'omfgwtf.'
and when Cas said he served heaven, not man and not Dean...again my heart broke.
during this season, anyone can see the rift inbetween sammy and dean, and i think Cas kinda helped Dean with it by being there, someone for Dean to lean on emotionally if not physically.

I agree...part of me wants to hate him. really really hate him. but then the rest of me makes that hateful part realize that its not HIS fault so much as it is Ruby's. if the bitch hadn't given her blood to him in the first place, none of this would be happening. she needs to go die now.
I feel so sad for him because he wants to stop, but he can't... =|

I love him hard.
I got teary eyed when he was reunited with his family and when he was trying to show his wife that he wasn't crazy...loved it.
and when he was screaming at Cas for not protecting his family...gah. <3

fuck, they did some major shit to him up in heaven. I think they just brainwashed him. think of the book 1984 if you will. Winston went again Big Brother even though he *knew* he shouldn't, but he didnt care. when big brother found out, they tourtured him to the extent that it was die, or surrender to their will.
Thats what i think happened to Cas. they tourtured him to the point that he was forced to side with Heaven and god and the angels and no longer show sympathies to humans. no longer show his emotions for Dean. No longer question god's will and his purpose for being on earth.

and then...the PREVIEW.
jesus friggen christ on a cracker.
If i thought this episode was an emotional rollercoaster, then i don't even know what to call what i went through during the preview. sam and dean beating the crap out of eachother. lilith. alistair. ruby. the angels. just everything.
and Deans line..."If you walk out that door don't you ever come back." had me crying by the time it was over. Not only is it the same thing John said to Sam all those years ago (seems like another lifetime, huh?) but its Dean saying it.
there is not one thing on the planet that means more to dean then his little brother. so for him to be able to say that to Sam...i just don't even wanna imagine whats going to happen that would make dean go as far as to say that. it broke the little bits of my already broken heart =/

Kripke...I love you you sonofabitch.
you own my goddamned soul for eternity for this show.

From: [identity profile]

Same here, my dear. It's been almost two hours for me, and I'm still in shock.

Re: Dean -

Ah, yes... The scene where both he and Castiel witnessed Sam going all 'Edward Cullen' on the girl was indeed a powerful one.

And the whole final scene between Dean and Castiel caused my shipper heart to explode. Seriously, there are no words...

Re: Sam -

Exactly. He wants to stop, but he's unable to. And you're right, Ruby is indeed the one responsible for getting him to this point.

Re: Jimmy -

I'm loved too, but I still thought he was a bit too stubborn for his own good.

Re: Castiel -

I honestly don't think they brainwashed him. Like a friend of mine said, they probably threatened Dean, and the only way to push Dean away from him was to say something harsh.

Re: Preview -

OH. MY. GOD. The next two episodes are going to kill me because there's no way I'm going to be able to survive the summer hiatus.

From: [identity profile]

Dude, I had tears in my eyes when this ended. The last scene between Castiel and Dean broke my heart into itty bitty pieces. I think Castiel was punished for some reason, IDK. AND YES MAYBE HE WAS DELIBERATELY TRYING TO PUSH DEAN AWAY ADJSDJSLKDF.

Just an amazing episode - I can't wait till next week! ♥

From: [identity profile]

That's what I believe happened; I think the angels threatened Dean in some way, and Castiel decided that - in order to protect not only Dean, but himself as well - he had to push Dean away.


From: [identity profile]

It's been clear, to me (unspoiled) that Castiel was going to get some intervention, what with all but telling Dean what was up to save Sam from Lilith, meeting with Anna (who I still don't like because I think she was just a whiny child who huffed off in teenage angst), and becoming much too attached to humans (re: Dean).

The point that Sam has come with his addiction terrified me in this episode. It has gone from being 'ew' to being 'Holy shit this is VERY much not right' (not that it was before). Dean's certainly been denying it but seeing his brother flip out and munch on blood so his mouth and chin was covered in it... That's not Sam Winchester. Sam Winchester has vanished and what is left in his place is not human. It make have a heart, pump blood, and appear human, but Sam is 100%, 3000+ miles off the reservation and still at a dead run.

As for Dean's look to Jimmy and his family? I rewatched bits and pieces of the episode. After Sam just laid into Jimmy, Dean clearly felt guilty and sad for this poor guy. This is how I viewed the scene. Later, when Jimmy was shot and the pan to Dean? Well, Dean is the one that is connected to Castiel. Castiel is like... Dean's caseworker. Him and Castiel have this bond. Castiel pulled him out of hell, etc.

I see that it has also been compared to the Anna/Dean kiss. I see no similarities at all. Cas clearly cared deeply for Anna, and so his reaction back then was sad and vague hints of jealousy.

Anna also presented rebellion, an angel that refused to let God control her. She would add more complications and Castiel was already having a hard enough time with Dean getting to work with [for] the angels.

I am not a slasher nor a Dean/Castiel shipper, so I'll have to respectfully say it's probably the 'tainted' eyes of a shipper viewing these scenes when there isn't meant to be anything like that. (Same as me geeking over 'OMG Sam and Ava are hugging! Therefore they will be together forever! EE!' in AHBL1)

From: [identity profile]

How is it possible for a television series to affect me so? Is it the amazing performances from the actors? My emotional attachment to it? What is it, exactly, that causes my heart to feel as if it's been crushed once an episode has concluded?
That's exactly what I keep asking myself everytime. After every episode (and even a day before a new episode is aired o_O) And I scares me a bit 'cause one day the show will end and what will be able to give me that feeling again?

That episode was amazing. Misha did a great job! Jimmy was so very different from Cas. Even his voice has changed. They really did a great job in casting Misha.

I agree with you completely^^ And I really hope, we will hear why Cas has suddenly changed and turned away from Dean and what the big secret was he wanted to tell...

*sighs* The next weeks will be so very long and too short the same time^^

From: [identity profile]

I feel your pain as if it's my own, believe me! I can't stop freaking out!

I HATE how Castiel was so cold to Dean at the end, it broke my heart! But I have to keep hope that he was just doing it as a front to appease his superiors...I refuse to believe that everything they've gone through, their connection and bond means nothing anymore. NO FOOKING WAY.

Jimmy was awesome. And I just loved how Misha switched flawlessly between playing the two characters, the man is amazing. This was just a brilliant episode.

And let's not go into the promo...*IZ DED*

From: [identity profile]

I am also dead from that promo. Dean pulling a John (when he just said last week that Sam is exactly like John) by kicking out Sam (most likely Evil!Sam by this point, but I don't care) is not cool.

From: [identity profile]

The entire time Sammy was going after the demon in that warehouse, I kept saying "No, Sam, no!" And then he did it anyway and got caught by Dean.

From: [identity profile]

I think all the open to interpretation stuff just shows how much Kripke loves us. The look could be taken either way, and I think it was meant to be. The pan to Dean - omg killl me now. The last scene between Dean and Cas was a friggin nightmare! I's scareded. I'm hoping beyond hope that he's pretending or protecting, but I have a feeling he's been brainwashed. But seriously, there aren't enough tissues in the world.

I like Anna sorta - I don't like her relationship with Dean because I can't get them to fit in my mind. And I think her appearance was meaningless but easy to let slide.

Sam is a bad boy. I petition that we should all go and give him a good spanking.

Jimmy was much better crafted than what I was expecting, so I'm happy.

But oh Cas, the gorgeous little angel that couldn't. Dean needs to give him lots of sex...oops...I mean hugs.

*sniffles* Deeeaaaaann! It hurts! It really hurts! But I know it'll get better. Because Kripke is just made of candy and fuzzy stuffed animals and love like that >.<

(yeah, not buying that one either)

to you,

P.S - I ship Dean/Castiel but I didn't pick up on the jealousy vibe. My slash-o-meter broke when we had Dean's reaction to Jimmy being shot though. I honestly expected him to yell out 'Cas!' when it happened.

From: [identity profile]

His expression when Jimmy was shot. He looked as if his entire world had come crashing down. and:

The hurt on his face when Castiel said that he 'didn't serve him'. It BROKE me...

AGREE SO HARD ON THIS, i swear i was just staring and the screen. I'm pretty much thinking the same thing since the withering look that Castiel gave Dean, seriously, ouch even i felt bad. Something tells me that Castiel is just doing this to push Dean away from him, to protect him somehow because to from: "i care about you" to "I only serve my Father, not you" WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?! and the fact that's there's a hiatus doesn't help. I'm still in a wow shock over this ep, even if Jimmy did end up being shot and we basically witnessed Dean's world tumble, but now? i needs a new episode now, seriously ;)

From: [identity profile]

I felt more sorry and depressed and teary eyed over Jimmy saving his daughter than Dean/Sam and that says alot.

From: [identity profile]

OMG the last scene killed me too!
I mean why would he be so cold and abrupt... I dont serve you?
Seriously Castiel? I mean follow orders you dont even understand and you condemned poor Jimmy to never see his family in the flesh again! :(

Sam omg, I friggin adore him but he couldnt help himself drinking that demon's blood even in front of everyone? Jesus!!
I firggin love the show...

From: [identity profile]

Also, the final scene between him and Dean... Oh my god, I literally grabbed my chest.

I couldn't even BELIEVE that had happened the first time I watched it! So I rewatched it, and jesus, kick to the gut much? D:

The look Dean gave Jimmy when he hugged his wife. I found it rather odd. Was he jealous?

Of course my shipper heart's gonna say "of course he was jealous"! But I'm not sure. I think more than anything he just felt sorry for Jimmy. :(

From: [identity profile]

Cas’ last line to Dean was so badass. So utterly perfect that it made me grin. Not like a feel good grin - I suppose more like a creepy Sylar grin. Case it point:

Seriously though.
I LOVE this show.

And because it was that awesome:

Excuse my lack of knowledge on cutting and making links by naming them.
Think of my relationship with technology much like Papa Winchesters.
I fail.

From: [identity profile]

Hee! Why hello there, Sylar, my boy. I've missed you and your wicked ways. ♥

That final line from Cas... Oh, it broke me. It actually felt like I had been shot through the heart.

Re: Banner -

Oh, my god. That banner is GORGEOUS. Do you mind if I put it in my profile?

From: [identity profile]

I know, I know - I need to be on Live Journal more. Especially, since you miss my wicked ways. I can't disappoint. As for the banner, for sure. I'm glad you find it gorgeous, I'm rather partial to it myself. That and it's so badass!! SPN and co. just keep coming up with awesome lines. "Most folks live and die without moving anything more than the dirt it takes to bury them." That is so badass. But by all means, use it!

From: [identity profile]

Indeed you should. I've missed having you around. Also, non-emo Peter is lost without her Sylar. ♥

That banner is incredible. I love the coloring, the blending... everything. And that line - oh, my god... That line. Even now, it still hurts.

From: [identity profile]

Well, have no fear Sylar is back. Though he's currently busy watching Casitel video a friend made. Course she thought it had no real point other than "purdy angel" but it's sooo good.

From: [identity profile]

You should watch it:

It was actually her who made the banner for me, I still think she made it for herself and was like - eh why not give it to Logan? Her LJ is [Bad username or site: @]
If credit should go anywhere it should be to the true person.

Even though I WISH I could make stuff for the computer - LJ layout would get re-vamped. Possibly buy one so I can have more icons at my disposal. Ah but a las... I suck.

From: [identity profile]

Downloaded the video. I'll be sure to watch it tonight after Criminal Minds.

Appropriate credit has been given. I still can't get over just how gorgeous it is.

LOL. It took me forever to learn how to do graphics on the computer, and even now I've got a low opinion of the stuff I create. In fact, the header you see at the top was made by me, and I'm shocked that I actually like it. That is a true rarity.

From: [identity profile]

I hope you enjoy it. Sadly, I won't be able to enjoy tv tonight - have a late night final. Bummer.

I'll be sure to let her know you are in love with her banner as much as I am. I still can't get over it - it's addicting. I like the banner you have now - ZQ is the epitome of awesome. Sporting some of his random fashion in that picture too I see. Oh, Sylar. How you make us laugh.

From: [identity profile]

The look Dean gave Jimmy when he hugged his wife. I found it rather odd. Was he jealous?
Hmm, I never noticed that one - must watch again (for the 4th time now).

If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was a Winchester just from his stubbornness alone. Still, he gave up everything to protect his daughter; to shield her from being a vessel for the angels.
Yes, THIS!

I actually felt him being already a Winchster. Just looking at that seating arrangement when Jimmy had his fast food meal. Additionally he has the sacrifice routine down just like ALL Winchesters - if that doesn't make him an honorary one, I don't know.

And amen to your last comment.

I sometimes I just skip through an episode to see what it's about because I don't have the time to watch in peace. This time I was in a hurry, the download had just finished and my partner was telling me to hurry since we had somewhere else to be... thus I just dashed through the episode and when I saw THAT scene and heard THAT statement - I ran out of the room screaming.

My partner was so kind to shut down my laptop while I was trying to focus on getting ready and not to think about Castiel and Dean and that ugly feeling of betrayal inside my chest. By the time we returned I was calm enough to bear it.


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